‘Properly Ranting’ health writer says enough is enough

Friday 12 Dec, 2014 

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  • Discover how to find ‘Practical Reasons’ to question food policy

I’m in another Victor Meldrew "I don’t bloody believe it" moment!

Pizza is now being considered as one of the ‘healthy’ five-a-day foods to have...

...are they mad!

The quango, Public Health England, has announced this week that they are considering takeaway foods like pizza, Chinese and Indian as well as ready meals as being healthy enough to qualify for a five-a-day badge.

These idiots are said to believe that if a fat-, sugar- and carbohydrate-drenched blob of heart stopping goo has enough pineapple on top of it then it is good for you.

I have to keep looking at the calendar and making sure I haven’t done a Rip Van Winkel and slept through until April Fools' Day... this is sheer madness.

Our health watchdogs have to be stopped.

We can no longer trust a word they say if this type of advice is going to get sent out.

Every single child and distraught mother will now be lulled into a false sense of security by profiteering food companies slapping a healthy eating logo onto food which will jam their arteries up faster than the motorways clog on a Bank Holiday.

Behind all of this has to be the skilled silk-tongued public relations lizards from the marketing departments of the food and retail giants.

They’ve dipped their noses into the troughs on the run-up to Christmas and liked what they found – and now they are literally going for the jugular.

The war on our hearts and minds has begun... not the war for our hearts and minds mark you... but on them – the direct result of allowing poor quality mass produced food to masquerade as healthy will be coronary heart disease and dementia for all.

Homemade is good though

Of course if you make your own pizza, lovingly shave on the right amount of cheese, dot in fresh basil, crunchy peppers, anchovies, chillies and a handful of chestnut mushrooms you could argue that this isn’t such a bad meal. 

If you created a rich fish pie from fresh salmon, prawns and smoked haddock with a few capers and mashed-up boiled egg you would have a culinary as well as nutritionally balanced meal.

But put your faith into the hands (and deep into the pockets) of the big food firms and there will be no saving you.

They will use the poorest quality ingredients, load in the fillers and flavour enhancers like salt and high fructose corn syrup, pimp up the colours and steer clear of anything fresh or even vaguely natural.

If you think that I’m wrong, or being overly melodramatic (what me!) let me ask you to consider fruit juice.

Back when I was little my mum made us fresh orange juice from real oranges or real lemonade from real lemons.

As a result of these types of childhood associations the fruit juice industry has enjoyed a positive image as far as its products went – even taking pride of place amongst the first lists of the five-a-day foods.

By hiding behind PR phrases such as ‘pure squeezed’ and ‘100% juice’ they have veneered the truth with a halo of lies and deceit.

What they actually push onto us is as far from being fresh as it can possibly be – concentrated, frozen, vacuum sealed, pasteurised, reconstituted and treated to a flavour ‘bomb’ of chemicals, sugar and colourings. Mmm sooo good!

Some health experts now claim that we would be better off drinking a can of cola rather than a carton of reconstituted orange juice.

You see what I mean – we can’t trust them.

Don’t fall for the hype

Me and the kids have always had a guilty pleasure – ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!’.

I don’t know why as a rational human being I should derive any pleasure from seeing the humiliation of ex-politicians, sports stars and non-entity TV presenters in a jungle but I do.

However, far from finding the ‘trials’ where the contestants have to endure time locked in a crate with snakes, or eating bits of animal genitalia as being too gross, it is actually the advert breaks that make us scream the most.

The programme is sponsored by a frozen food company who seem to consider the foulest concoctions as being appealing – a gateau made from Irish Cream filled profiteroles, a selection of Belgian chocolate fondants might sound nice but they are spine chilling in their execution.

Lurid colours, wall-to-wall calories and questionable portion sizes all add up to a horror show...

...yet the PR folk have got it loaded into the nation's psyche in time for Xmas.

PR...Putrid Reptiles...Perennially Reprehensible...Particularly Rotten..!

Heh! I’ve invented a new word game to keep the family happy over the festive period.

Let’s see how many derogatory terms we can come up with that have the initials PR... I’ll be happier using those in the future to describe the loathsome actions of this increasingly powerful group of individuals.

If you saw the reports yesterday about how many drugs we are now all taking, just remember the smiling vipers of the drugs industry PR people patting themselves on the back for a job well done – they’ll eat well this Christmas.

An old dog... and very new tricks

I’ve watched with fascination as the sister title to The Good Life Letter called MHM has slowly been using Facebook and I’ve had to accept that it’s about time that we went pan global and stuff!

So, my challenge is to get something up and running in the New Year – keep a look out for me...

...in the meantime have a look at what Ken is doing on his [Facebook] and [Twitter] pages, maybe even sign up as a friend...follower or whatever they’re called... as I say I’ve a lot to learn!



Yours, as always





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